The World is my Lobster

Going to celebrate the birth of people I barely know. Because, after all, we share similar DNA.

Doing laundry. Not because I have no clean clothes, but instead because I should.

Gold star.

emrysandpendragon:

mswyrr:

actionactioncut:

supersoygrrrl:

dmsd:

I’m sorry, but if someone said this about a woman, it would not be funny. I hate the idea that it’s okay for women to be sexist toward men because sexism towards females is more prominent. This is why I don’t consider myself a feminist, but rather an equalist. 

…”someone” says this about women all the time. Someone by the name of EVERYONE.

#Men Can’t Even Understand Jokes

#the leading cause of misandry is men

aRE we going to ignore
‘This is why I don’t consider myself a feminist, but rather an equalist.’

Current status: tired, giving no fucks, grumpy.

I am not someone you want to be around.

hell-is-my-paradise:

yourealoserlol:

skittlejoy:

its like boys are the oscars and im leonardo dicaprio

yeah, you deserve them.

that’s the most inspiring thing i have ever seen

My friend dreams about sexy experiences with soap stars.

I dream about attending a work function followed by making an amateur adventure/action flick in snowy woods. Wherein, I am almost killed by a freaking Sasquatch, which shows up and wreaks havoc. We kept it in the film. And when it came back to finish the job, a dog, my sisters boyfriend and I killed him. I shot him and watched his eyes grow cold.

So, less sexy funtimes and more death. Yep.

smileprettybaby:

i almost spit my beer out

How my sister and I deal with pre-cancer cells scares: Grease 2 references.

Sign of a true friend

“I will even hold your hand and stand above your head so I don’t see your vajaydge.”

The second half of my night was much nicer. I dreamed I went to a family party for a friend. There I met a brother and his friends, and they were cute. We had fun, hung out, I met other family members, we ate… And then finally I was in the kitchen and he was looking for me. He passed me his phone and I answered it. Someone from the Internet had tracked me down to this man I had just met’s phone and told me I was missing an event. I looked at the man and back to the phone and told the person I was missing the event.
The guy was happy and handed me a gift he had got me. It was a leather wrapped case for knives, so I made fun of him, but when I opened it, it was filled with keys. And every key had a photo or number on it to a pop culture apartment or home. So we spent time trying to remember which went where.
He was sweet.